After 37 years of priestly ministry and maintaining a secret romantic relationship for years, German priest Andreas Unfried has decided to resign from his parish to get married. The pastor of St. Ursula in Oberursel and Steinbach, in the federal state of Hesse (Germany), explains that now, when his partner has already retired and he himself is nearing the end of his professional activity, the time has come to attend to what he calls his «second vocation.»
«The reason is that I am going to get married. For many years I have been secretly living the relationship with my great love,» Unfried acknowledges in a letter published on August 22 by the parish of St. Ursula. The priest communicated his resignation to the bishop of Limburg and former president of the German Episcopal Conference, Georg Bätzing, and admits that the consequent suspension from priestly ministry is mandatory and that he was fully aware of it.
Unfried does not claim ignorance of the obligations he assumed when he was ordained a priest. «I always knew that the Catholic Church requires celibacy for the exercise of priestly ministry,» he writes. He assures that he tried to live it «with all his strength,» although after almost four decades of ministry he concludes: «I must recognize that I really do not carry this charism within me.»
«She waited for me for a long time»
The priest does not reveal exactly when his relationship began, but admits that it has lasted «for many years» and that his partner played an important role during his decades of ministry.
«I would not have been able to endure these 37 years if I had not been able to count on the support of my life companion,» he states. Throughout that time he continued to serve as a priest while the relationship remained reserved to a very small circle. Unfried himself acknowledges that many of his collaborators may reproach him for not having given them «any indication» and points out that there were «very few» people to whom he revealed his situation.
The decision to bring the relationship to light now coincides with the end of both their working lives. His partner has already retired and Unfried acknowledges that for him too «the end of professional activity is approaching.»
It is precisely now that the priest considers the time has come to change his priorities. «She has waited for me for a long time. I am very grateful for that. Now it is enough,» he writes.
Unfried presents the marriage he plans as a response to another call: «Now I feel that the time has come to respond to this second vocation.» Toward the end of the letter he returns to the same idea: «Now I am called by the love for the woman with whom I have shared my life for a long time.»
Bätzing claims he was unaware of the relationship
According to information disseminated by German media after the letter was made public, the diocese of Limburg maintains that Bätzing was unaware of the relationship Unfried had maintained for years. The bishop proceeded to suspend him from ministry once he learned of his decision to marry.
The diocesan spokesperson, Stephan Schnelle, responded to the case with a message of recognition toward the priest: «We respect Father Andreas Unfried’s personal decision and thank him for his decades of service.»
The diocese has also indicated that the decision will have economic consequences for Unfried. The priest, for his part, expressly thanks Bätzing and his collaborators for «the respectful treatment» given to his situation and «the consistency of their actions.»
Unfried had been pastor of St. Ursula in Oberursel and Steinbach for 16 years. Previously he had served for 15 years as pastor in Kriftel and Hofheim. Throughout his career he also held various responsibilities in the diocese of Limburg, including those of district dean in Main-Taunus and Hochtaunus, functions in Caritas and spiritual accompaniment.
Gratitude to the Church and demands in farewell
Unfried dedicates a good part of his letter to expressing his gratitude to the Catholic Church. «Without the Catholic Church I would not be who I am today,» he states. He assures that during his years of formation and his 37 years of service he was able to «grow and mature» and that he found in the Church support and recognition of his abilities.
The farewell also includes some demands regarding ecclesial life. The priest affirms that he continues to be committed to the «local development of the Church» and to the elaboration of «a vision of Church shared by all.»
«I wish for my Church a spirit of participation and justice between the sexes,» he writes. He also asks that Christians discover themselves as «subjects—and not mere objects—of pastoral care» and live their vocation with courage.
Unfried admits that his decision may cause disappointment among those who have shared these years with him. «I am aware of the disappointments that I also cause with this step,» he acknowledges, although he hopes that with time his decision may be accepted.
Below we reproduce, translated into Spanish, the complete letter published by the priest on August 22:
Resignation from the parish of St. Ursula
I have communicated to Bishop Georg Bätzing my resignation from the parish of St. Ursula, Oberursel and Steinbach. The reason is that I am going to get married. For many years I have been secretly living the relationship with my great love. Now I feel that the time has come to respond to this second vocation. The consequence of the suspension from priestly ministry is mandatory and I am aware of it.
I always knew that the Catholic Church requires celibacy for the exercise of priestly ministry. I have also tried to live it with all my strength, but I must recognize that I really do not carry this charism within me.
With all my heart I was and continue to be a pastor of souls, parish priest and responsible with various functions in the local Church of Limburg: for many years as district dean in the former districts of Main-Taunus and Hochtaunus, in different functions in Caritas and as spiritual companion. I am grateful to my Church for having so generously recognized and promoted my talent. During 37 years of service, as well as during the previous years of preparation, I was able to grow and mature, and I always experienced my Church as an institution that supported me and treated me with benevolence. Without the Catholic Church I would not be who I am today.
But neither would I have been able to persevere during these 37 years if I had not been able to count on the support of my life companion. I feel that the time has come to distribute priorities differently, now that she has retired after a well-deserved working life and that for me too the end of professional activity is approaching. She has waited for me for a long time. I am very grateful for that. Now it is enough.
I especially thank my brother priests of the Maranatha priestly community. Life in common was for me support and sustenance. Together we conceived and carried out steps for the development of pastoral care. Together we went through and endured crises. I ask for understanding because, after all these good years, I now choose another path for myself.
I have lived the 15 years as parish priest in Kriftel and Hofheim—and especially the 16 years as parish priest in Oberursel and Steinbach—as an extremely exciting and enriching experience. On various occasions I have said that the development of a large decentralized parish in St. Ursula constituted for me the most exciting and demanding years of my life. I still see it that way and I am grateful for it. The idea of a local development of the Church, linked to the elaboration of a vision of Church shared by all, continues to be for me a fundamental guiding principle with which I continue to feel committed.
I wish for my Church a spirit of participation and justice between the sexes. And I pray that our Christian men and women may discover themselves as subjects—and not mere objects—of pastoral care and live their vocation with courage in the service of the Good News.
Throughout my journey many friendships and very significant relationships have emerged. I am aware of the disappointments that I also cause with this step. I can only hope that one day it may be accepted, although I know that I am currently making life more difficult for many people.
I thank my pastoral team, without whose competence and commitment we would not have been able to achieve what we have accomplished. I thank our administrative team and our extraordinarily diligent administrative manager. Many will reproach me for not having given them any indication of what was happening. But I also know the burden I placed on the very few people to whom I revealed my situation.
For my part, I leave my professional function without resentment. In my task I was able to learn so many new and exciting things. I had the opportunity to know the reality of the Church in Africa, in the Philippines and in the Anglican Church of England. I was able to be part of renewal movements and innovative projects. In all of this I was also able to mature personally and continue to develop. For all this I am deeply grateful.
Now I am called by the love for the woman with whom I have shared my life for a long time. Together we will seek how we can henceforth live our condition as Christians and our vocation.
I think that in the coming months it will be possible, in the appropriate way, to personally say goodbye to all of you. For the moment, I ask for understanding because I will not respond to emails or answer calls.
I thank my bishop and his collaborators for the respectful treatment of my situation and also for the consistency of their actions. I am sure that a good parish administrator will soon be found for the vacancy period.
I leave much of my heart in St. Ursula and am deeply grateful for the years we have shared. I hope that, when the situation has calmed down, we can say goodbye personally in an appropriate way.
Pastor Andreas Unfried