By Randall Smith
We pride ourselves on the fact that in the United States we do not have a «caste system,» with upper and lower castes and those at the bottom who are «untouchables.» Sometimes I wonder, however, if we have something analogous in the way we distinguish «the elite» from the «deplorables.» As for the «untouchables,» try going to a «No to a King» rally and say: «I like some of the things Trump does,» and you will quickly discover what the lepers felt like in the time of Christ.
Each side in the political divide has created its hated «other.» But one group that has become the true «untouchables» of our society is the frail and sick elderly. Instead of honoring the elderly, our tendency is to warehouse them in institutions to keep them out of sight and out of mind.
Please don’t misunderstand me. Many of those in «personal care homes» or «assisted living» facilities were placed there out of loving concern for them, because they could no longer live alone and needed the additional medical attention that such centers can provide. But this reality still gives rise to several questions.
Why are so many of our elderly alone? Have we valued «independence» in ways that do not lead to health and human flourishing as we age? Why warehouse the elderly in separate facilities instead of trying to incorporate them into society in a new and vital way? And finally, why are so many of those nursing homes so terrible? They are rarely very good.
One lesson that anyone who has dealt with elderly parents who need special care soon realizes is that there really is no good answer to the challenge. Everyone I’ve asked: «Did you find a better way?» has told me unequivocally: «No, everything is terrible.» The second lesson is: don’t be old and poor in the United States. A small room with mediocre care can cost between 8,000 and 8,500 dollars a month, and often more. Therefore, if you don’t have 100,000 to 150,000 dollars a year to spend just on housing and food, and maintain that level of spending for ten or twelve years, you may find yourself in very uncomfortable circumstances, with your world reduced to a small room with a television.
Even the expensive places that are nicer have the air of a cruise ship. Life there can be pleasant, but there is also a sense of meaninglessness: that of facing one’s own death while watching cruise companions die one by one. The inhabitants feel set aside by society, that they are no longer needed (or so we mistakenly imagine).
Personally, I’ve never understood why we have, on the one hand, a society of elderly people full of life stories and the wisdom of old age and, on the other, groups of teenagers who need someone with wisdom to talk to and listen to them. For some strange reason, we fail to figure out how to bring them together.
Instead, we do everything we can to keep them as far apart as possible. We don’t locate high schools or universities next to nursing homes, probably because we know that the teenagers in those schools won’t respect the elderly. Nor do we put nursing homes next to gorilla cages.
But what if, instead of following cultural trends, we took God’s word seriously? Leviticus 19:32 states: «You shall rise up before the gray-haired and honor the face of the old man, and you shall fear your God.» This passage has long been understood as an indication that respect for our elders is directly related to reverence for God.
One could also draw this conclusion from the first commandment of the «second table» of the Decalogue, corresponding to respect for God in the «first table»: it is the command to «Honor your father and your mother.» 1 Timothy 5:1-2 exhorts us to treat older men as our own fathers and older women as our own mothers, admonishing us not to speak harshly to them.
Technology offers some hope. Autonomous cars can help elderly people who can no longer or should no longer drive. Being unable to drive oneself in the United States is like becoming a child again, always having to ask: «Can you take me somewhere?» A man I know was able to reconfigure his Tesla so he could slide inside while the car takes his wheelchair and folds it in the back.
Why isn’t that technology widely available? He had to invent it himself. The fact that we haven’t devoted more of the creative ingenuity we apply to other technological advances to helping the elderly with basic needs like getting up and sitting down, eating and eliminating waste, suggests a society in which the elderly remain invisible and largely unattended.
But technology alone is not enough. Useful developments won’t happen or be available without that sense of respect and care to which God calls us in the Scriptures. We need to design more walkable and mixed-use neighborhoods, and do a better job integrating the elderly with children who are taught to respect them.
If we don’t do more to show respect to the elderly, young people will continue to be terrified of old age and more people, as they age, will opt for suicide.
It must be acknowledged that one cannot evade the harsh reality that facing death is not easy. It is the cross we must carry before the resurrection. But the Church’s paschal hope is that Christ has conquered death once and for all and has opened a new life in union with the Father, the Son, and the Spirit.
And yet, even Christ needed help to carry his Cross. For that reason, perhaps it would help if we thought of ourselves as Simon of Cyrene. We help the elderly carry their cross, and they and we reaffirm each other on the path that God’s love will never abandon us and can transcend even death.
About the author
Randall B. Smith is a professor of Theology at the University of St. Thomas in Houston, Texas. His most recent book is «From Here to Eternity: Reflections on Death, Immortality, and the Resurrection of the Body«.